today sucks

last night i got an email from the girl that's renting our house in florida. she is a really sweet girl and i could not ask for better renters. her husband is in the navy and he is stationed on the ship 6 months out of the year. so the email was titled "new tenant". you'll never guess what it was. yep. you guessed it. she's due in march. don't get me wrong. i'm so happy for her. she's about 23 years old and they've been married a couple years and she loves kids. so i'm really happy for her, and happy that my house will have happy memories for them in the years to come. however. you see where this is going i'm sure. we fixed up that house for our happy memories. and so that we could bring our babies home from the hospital there. and we had plans of creating a nursery for our babies. we even painted the back bedroom a baby blue because we were sure the first pregnancy was a boy. we were talking about names on the way to the doctors appointment when we found out there were problems. so the thought of handing all of those happy memories over to someone else to have in my house, that i worked my fingers to the bone to fix up, makes me very sad. and i know-i sound shallow just saying these things. i'm happy for her too, it's just, i want to have some happy memories for me too. now i know i'll never get to because paul will never move back to florida. is it too much to ask to just have one innocently happy pregnancy?

and on another note-work could not suck anymore than it does. and i really really REALLY want to quit because i just don't know how much more of this i can take. and i (until a couple weeks ago) was the only one in the office to still love my job. and i can see my apathecness coming out in my work already. every one else in my office has been trying to get laid off for over a year so they can get a severance package. me? i work my tail off so that i can do a good job and everyone else is laying around doing nothing. could life suck anymore today?