Saturday, November 29, 2008

holidays and all that comes with it

this morning i woke up at 4:28am in order to shower and get to the airport for our 6:40am flight. we left the house on time. stopped at mom and dad's new little donut spot and then headed down to the highway. except jacksonville has lots and LOTS of bridges. and there was someone trying to jump from one of the bridges this morning. the police had the highway baracaded off. so we went around the other way and got to the gate JUST in time for boarding. unfortunately it was not in time to stop for a starbucks. no worries, i thought, i'll get one in atlanta. got to atlanta and ran from one gate to the next gate 4 terminals away. again, no time for a starbucks. it was a packed flight and it was one of those planes that has two seats, an isle, 3 seats, an isle and then 2 more seats. well just about when you think they can't pack another soul onto the flight a big momma jomba comes down the isle. she, of course, belongs to the middle seat in the middle isle. she sits down and behind her trails a child in pajamas. the whole plane is watching this escapade develop. the woman next to her said "oh!" and the guy on the other side said something about him not needing his own seat. "oh no, if they are under 2 years old, they don't need a ticket and they can sit on your lap." hmm....if this kid was 2 i was about 18. maybe he was 2 in backwards dog years. he could read the kid was so old. just because you put a kid in footie pajamas does not make them younger. before the flight even took off he was puking into a bag. they ride like this almost 5 hours from atlanta to denver. we pull up to the gate in denver. everybody gets their carry on bags and stands in the isle. and stands. and waits. until finally the pilot says "ok folks. where gonna need you to take your seats again...we have to tow the plane closer to the gate because there's a problem with the ramp." ha! i know this poor guy was thinking "get me off this plane!!!"
in case you're wondering, tatum did well, she's a bit skinny because she would only eat if grandma would hold her food bowl. i think we have created a diva. we'll have to work on that.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008


ok. the adoption process has brought up quite a few questions and rightfully so. here are some answers to some of the questions that have risen so far:
>are you going to quit trying for your own? no, we won't quit trying but we are hoping it won't prevent us from adopting one of the hundreds of foster children that are hoping for their forever family.
>if you got pregnant would you stop the process of adopting? no. our hearts are broken now for these kids. we won't give up on them.
>did the doctor tell you you can't have kids? no. we would have to go through the entire process of fertility drugs before they'd give up on us. that includes, and is not limited to in vitro fertilization. that is tens of thousands of dollars and we just don't feel that we want to spend tens of thousands on a child with our genes when there are this many orphans around the world. it is not their fault they are orphans, nor is it their fault that they don't have our genes. they were born through our heart, not through our womb and we are ok with that.
>do you think there's anything wrong with in vitro (IVF)? absolutely not. we have a godchild born through in vitro and i would not her up for the world. i don't think there is anything wrong with ivf. it's just not a route we want to take. there are lots of hormone injections and medications that i just don't want to put my body through. you think i'm exaggerating? ask the guys i work with how well i react to clomid and they will tell you i should NOT take stronger fertility drugs.
>have you ever known an adopted person? um. you must not know my family. we have adoption going back for generations. with out adoption i would not have a single cousin on my mom's side. so yes. i am very familiar with people who have been adopted and i hope my family can coach me through it and help me not make the big dumb mistakes. so-family-here's my call for help. let me know any advice you have.
>are you sure you want to adopt? yes. i'm sure at this point it would be a sin to leave these kids where they are.
>i thought you said you'd never adopt a foster child from the us and you'd prefer a foreign orphan? yes. i said that. i found out on saturday that i'm an idiot. turns out every child, no matter what resources are available or not available to them, need the love of a family.
>what if you get a kid who ________? guess what....even if i give birth to the child doesn't guaranty me a free ride to a perfect family.
>are you expecting this kid to come in and fill a "hole" for you? no. i'm hoping to fill a "hole" for the child. yes, i want kids. yes, it has left a hole in me. but i also know that there is no give and take with kids. it's all give. and i'm ok and ready for that.
>how long does it take? 3 years for a chinese baby girl. about 1 - 2 years for other nationalities depending on age and country of origin. if we adopt through foster, not that we are doing this because it's faster, it's really not, the woman on saturday said if we did everything absolutely perfect right now today we would be lucky to have them home by the beginning of next school year.
>why don't you adopt a baby? we're open to adopting babies. we're a little aimless right now but for now we just have to try every door until one of them opens.

there are a lot more questions that i haven't been asked and i'm not offended. i know this is puzzling and scary process for most people. we feel a call from god to adopt. i think had we been listening he's been calling us for longer than a year and a half. i am suspecting he gave us the miscarriage so that we would realize the desire that we have for children. by giving us a taste of starting a family. now we have gone through the infertility stage so that paul would agree to get me a dog. i needed something to mother. now i KNOW adopting a dog is nowhere close to the same as adopting a child. but it has helped me see that i can love something (and let me tell you i'm ridiculous with that dog) that i did not give birth to.
where is all of this going? i have no clue. keep watching the blog and maybe we can figure it out.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008


well, we got a call from the adoption service yesterday. alex had so much response they had to take his profile down and stop taking applications on him for now. we can check back in a couple weeks to see if none of those families panned out and try again. i feel a bit aimless to not have somebody to hope for.
she said i could go on their web page and look at other children. problem is, i can't even pick out a CHRISTMAS tree because i feel so bad for the others left behind. when we got tatum i told the breeder to bring us the puppy nobody else wanted. we have a fake christmas tree now because of all of the tearful goodbyes we had to say to christmas tree lots. so....we'll see.

Monday, November 24, 2008


well we went to the thing on saturday and they said they were praying and believing for 500 people to show up and 1200 people came!! whoa. and then the woman from colorado social services got up and just cried and cried that so many people would care about her orphans. and she said never in her 20-some years of working for the government she had never known the church and state to come together like that and for it to be that successful. she said that she could not have paid enough money for all of those agencies to come together like that. ok. so all that being said.
we went in saying "we'd be willing to adopt one child and we'd like it to be an infant or toddler." we left disappointed that a trio of brothers already has an adoption in progress. but we did find another little guy named Alex that we are wanting to put our name in the hat for. all we know about him is that he's 7 and that he likes baseball and football. i know what you're thinking, there are LEAGUES more issues that we are not aware of. yes. that is very true. and we may not even be qualified to adopt him. but if you were that 7 year old boy hoping that someone would love you and know you and you wouldn't just be a number in the system, wouldn't you hope that we would at the very least put our name in the hat? so we'll see. if you pray, pray for guidance for us because obviously, going in thinking we were going to go down the chinese baby route and leaving on the older sibling route are two TOTALLY different routes. the only thing we do know for sure now is that we are open for adoption.

Friday, November 21, 2008

coming out of the closet....

ok. i think i'm ready to tell.
last sunday we started the application process to adopt a baby girl from china.
now don't get excited. there are quite a few things you need to know.
first and foremost, it takes 3 years from application to bringing her home.
second, there are so many stipulations that we might not be eligible.
here are some of them:
1. we have to have a net worth of $80,000. right now i can only come up with $30,000. unless our florida house all of a sudden becomes worth $50,000 more than it's worth today.
2. we have to have a body mass index of under 40. i would have to weigh 225 to top that. at the rate i'm going, in 3 years, i may be there.
3. we have to be older than 30, under 44. got that covered unless it takes us 11 years to come up with that other $50,000.
4. we have to be married 2 years, 5 if either of us had been married before. we'll be married 7 years in february. so even if you add the two time frames together we still have that covered.
5. we have to have certain levels of education. luckily we both have college degrees.
and there's more that i just can't think of and even more that i don't know about yet. so we'll see. this may not work for us.
i also looked into nepal. if you have a girl already, you can only adopt a boy. if you have a boy, you can only adopt a girl. if you have a girl AND a boy, you can't adopt. so if we had a baby in the process, we gotta change gears and i'm not sure if you can.
guatemala is closed to adoption right now.
so, tomorrow is the seminar down in the springs for colorado foster kids. we'll go and see what that's about. still not sure that's what i'm ready for but we'll see where god leads us. maybe i'll get down there and cry through the whole thing and come home with 5. ha. just kidding. i don't think they are handing them out like "free ipods". so here goes another kind of roller coaster.

oh-and on other fronts, i am scheduled for my mayan abdominal massage for december 7th. we'll see what that produces. literally.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

christmas cards for the soldiers

my dad sent me this email and i think it's the coolest thing. and they've got some good cards too.
If you go to this web site, you can pick out a thank you card and Xerox will print it and it will be sent to a soldier that is currently serving in Iraq . You can't pick out who gets it, but it will go to some member of the armed services.

How AMAZING it would be if we could get everyone we know to send one!!! This is a great site. Please send a card. It is FREE and it only takes a second.

Wouldn't it be wonderful if the soldiers received a bunch of these? Whether you are for or against the war, our guys and gals over there need to know we are behind them.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

HaPpY BiRtHdAy to MuDdErS!!!!!

Happy Birthday to MUDDERS!
Happy Birthday to Mudders....
HaPpY BiRtHdAy dear MuDdErS!!!!

I love you and I hope you have 89 more! (I know, selfish of me but it's true.)

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

an honor and a privilege

so last night i bumped into some neighbors that i hadn't seen in a while and they mentioned that they had just gotten back from visiting their son, daughter-in-law, and new baby granddaughter. (i know-i just can't get away from the babies.) but i said "oh, what did they name her?" "tatum!" i said "oh my gosh-don't tell them that you know a dog named tatum." "oh no, that's where they heard the name. we were talking about tatum and they loved the name so much that's what they named their daughter." !!! so i'm not the only one that thinks my dog is the greatest! !!! people are even naming their CHILDREN after her!

Friday, November 14, 2008


seriously, could this BE any cuter? (say it in a chandler bing tone of voice.) if you don't see anybody there, give it a minute. there is nothing better than sleeping puppies.
Live TV : Ustream


i LOVE change. and i LOVE redecorating things. i even made the cover to my futon so i can flip it over and the other side is totally different. and my family room is chocolate brown leather so i can change the pillows and wah-lah, new family room. so i LOVE that i can redecorate my blog whenever i want to, and that i can do it for free. do you like the punkins?

Thursday, November 13, 2008

I need to be a foot taller

i am currently gaining pounds by the day and i don't know what to do to stop it. i can't run which is how i've always kept the weight off before. i am eating salads for lunch but they make me starving by 3:00 and my stomach in knots by the time i get home so that clearly is not the answer. i want to work out but i'm so afraid of all of the conflicting information. i'm going to get a mayan abdominal massage in december. and we are taking off the next few months to get some vitamins into our system and get me some more mayan massages. but i'm going to ask for a yoga dvd for christmas and i'll ask my mayan massuse what kind of exercise i can do because it specifically lists running as one of the reasons i could be inconceivable. ha! i know that's not the real meaning of that word, but it sure fits that sentance doesn't it? at the rate i'm going now i need to be about a foot taller to not be considered overweight. BOOOO!!!

Monday, November 10, 2008

i'm ready

real quick because i should be in the shower. tatum does this cute thing while we are watching tv she brings us a ball and we throw it. but she always makes sure neither one of us feels left out. so she'll take it to paul. he'll throw it. then she'll bring it to me. back and forth back and forth. well last night i had this bag of doggie biscuits that she had gotten from Mrs. Doolittle for her birthday, and i had them sitting in the chair in the family room. so i was on the loveseat quilting, paul was on the couch and then this bag of doggie biscuits in the chair. i noticed that she was being awfully still and patient but looking at the chair and i looked up and realized she had put the ball right in front of the doggie biscuits and was waiting patiently for that bag to throw the ball for her. i said "um...huney bear...that bag of biscuits isn't gonna throw the ball anytime soon." she looked at me like "be quiet! i don't want it to feel left out."

Saturday, November 8, 2008


i don't go for country music but here's something i found on my fertility friend's page that sums up a fraction of what i am going through:

Friday, November 7, 2008

more on the step

ok, i'm reading through this web page, and i probably shouldn't be. but it's killing i want to adopt a threesome of siblings.

Caffe Luna

This morning I went to my favorite little coffee spot, Caffe' Luna, on our way to doggie day care and there was a line out the door! It's so delicious. If you live anywhere near Longmont, you have to go here:

Tonight Paul is going down to his parents to go camping/cutting wood/having "the talk" with Jacob. I am so torn. I want to just pack up my quilt and Tatum and go down and just quilt all weekend but I have SO much to do. I don't think we've done the dishes since Monday. The house is a mess with dog toys strewn about like a tornado came through her toy basket. There is a layer of some kind of dust/gunk on all the bathrooms. I'm still up in the air. And if I don't go, I can go to a ladies movie night for a group at my church, or go see Joseph and the Technicolor Dreamcoat at the high school, and we have a tenative date with Buster tomorrow morning to go to the dog park. *sigh* what to do, what to do?!

Wednesday, November 5, 2008


well. we signed up anyway. on the 22nd there is an adoption seminar down in the springs regarding foster children in colorado waiting to be adopted. we signed up on sunday but i'm just getting the courage now to tell you. this does not mean on the 22nd we will be adopting a kid. it just means we are checking out what is going on in the foster care world. it will also be the day that my period is due so i may not be much fun if i have nothing to look towards. it also means that i will be NO fun for thanksgiving with family and i'm very sad about that. but. usually the first glimmer of hope i have every month is the positive ovulation test that i get on day 18. and i won't be anywhere NEAR close to day 18 over thanksgiving. i know, you think i don't need to jump that far ahead because maybe i'll be pregnant this month. ya. and maybe the last year and a half didn't happen either. i just don't have much hope left. one of my fertility friends said that a nun friend of hers told her to visualize herself with a baby and pray for that. i'm trying. i'm trying to visualize myself with more than one baby in hopes that the clomid will overwork and i'll get multiples. but deep down inside there's just alot of doubt. i'm rambling. i just thought i should share since this blog is all about what's going on. don't want to talk about this in person. just in case, let's review the rulz.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

small town usa

i'm thinking about changing my wrong list out and updating you on things i like about longmont.
today i went to the thrift store because i need more pants for work. since i am not running right now in pursuit of a baby my middle has gotten quite comfortable in the spreading state. however, because of the time change i got there 30 minutes before they opened instead off 30 minutes after they opened. there's a little cafe around the corner that i've been meaning to try but just don't hang out down there too often so i had never been in there. i figured what a better time than now to go in. i ordered and they told me $3.50. handed over my plastic because i just never carry cash. they said "check or cash". Darn! so i said "oops! don't make it because i have neither." they said "ah, you look honest, we'll just start a tab for you." are you kidding me?! so they whipped out a paper bag next to the register and took down my first name only and my phone number and then wrote down $3.50 and said "there, now you can just pay us back next time you come in." ha! and it was a freaking GOOOD cup of coffee. actually it was a latte. it was like expresso royale for all you chambanan's. i had to call brock and tell him.
then i went back over to the thrift store. no jeans for me-darn it. well they had some but they were all mom jeans. you've seen the SNL skit with the "new 9 inch zipper!" yes. they were THOSE kind of jeans.
but i did score a couple pairs of dress pants and 3 sweaters. all for the low low price of $13.97. i know-i kicked butt huh?

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Happy Halloween!!! I love halloween. It's not my favorite holiday but I do enjoy it. we always have jacob and grace over for halloween so we can do fun stuff like carve pumpkins, play video games until 6am (sorry dawn), and fill them up with sugar and send them home. but this time we really couldn't think of ONE good solid thing to do with them. until about 2:30 when i remembered that our church was doing trunk or treat. so i called paul and said "how 'bout it?" and remembered i had some good hippy stuff grace could wear and jacob wanted to be an m&m, which i thought was a stellar idea. then he said teenage mutant ninja turtle-again i loved the idea. but he finally settled on being a ninja. we had some black clothes and mask and then him and paul made cardboard/tin foil swords. all in all our costumes cost $0. i was a geisha girl, tatum was an octopus and paul was her ocean this time. it took some coaxing. he did NOT want to be a part of the dressing up. but he did. he said it was a big hit. told him so. are some pics.
Here we are..dogs and all. cookie was a snow princess of sorts:

here is grace in front of a funkytown trunk at the trunk-or-treat. they got a picture with grace and she was quite honored:

jacob was a really good ninja. he's taking chinese so instead of saying "thank you" he said it in chinese. I can't spell it though.
i know, i could fix the red eyes but they made the picture so much better so i left them:

then we came home and carved pumpkins.

which required serious concentration:

and some collaboration:

in the end they turned out so cute. bet you'll never guess whose is whose. we really did carve them on halloween. i think our camera timer is still set for eastern time zone though. oops. i guess it's not as bad as taking all of dan's wedding pictures on 7/7/7 with the date set to 6/15/06. ?? what the heck?? how did i screw that up so bad. anyway-tangent sorry.

and then the kids sorted their loot while we watched a movie starting at midnight. yes-this is what they love about aunt cheri and uncle paul's house.

jacob nailed it on the head when he said "man we made out like BANDITS!!" he's not lieing! have you ever seen so much candy from one night of trunk-or-treating?