guilty guilty GUILTY

see this look:

it means "i'm too cute to be mad at me right?" which is equivalent to saying "i'm guilty as charged and i loved your mouthguard more than you did. mmmm...mmmm."

yes. that's right. tatum ate my $500 mouth guard made from the dentist in DC because i am a teeth grinder. didn't know it until my gums were receding and he looked at my teeth and said "oh you're a teeth grinder." i know what you're thinking. "sucker. he just made an easy $500 on you." except that he was the third dentist to tell me that AND my teeth hurt now because my gums have receeded so badly from all the teeth grinding. I know!! who wouldda thunk it could do that right? well, it does. so....now we gotta figure out which is worse. spend the $500 (which we won't have until next spring AFTER my hsg test) or let me grind away at night.

empanada recipe

here is the infamous empanada recipe:

1 lb hamburger (this is the only time i use the 80/20 fat hamburger.)
1 lb sausage
Brown the meat, then add:
1/2 t salt
1/2 t chili powder
1 jalepeno (optional)
1/3 of a red onion diced
After those have sauteed add:
28 oz can diced tomatoes
1 can of black beans drained
1 cup of corn (that's a new addition-it's optional)
Cook it on medium/low heat for 20 minutes or until it boils down a little.
Take off the heat and add:
1/2 bundle of cilantro (just the leaves, no stems)


Then put that in the fridge over night.


The next day....
Sift:
4 c flour
2 t baking powder
2 t salt
Then cut 1 stick of butter into little dice sized pieces and drop into flour. Pinch the butter into the flour until it all feels grainy. Then add 1 cup of water slowly, depending on the weather sometimes you need more water, other times not quite the whole cup. You want the dough to JUST come together with out falling apart. Then cover it and leave it for 20 minutes. Then cut it into 16 balls, just half it, half those, then half those etc...until you get 16. Then roll them out like little pie shells, put the refridgerated meat mix into the shells and fold over, like a hot pocket. At this point you can put some into the freezer for later. Then when you are ready to bake them, brush only the pocket but not the seam with an egg wash of one egg and 1 T of water. Bake for 20 minutes, spin the pan around and 20 minutes again. and then they are done. Best served with guacamole. Let me know if you'd like that recipe because it's sooooo good fresh.

hoorah for me!

tonight was a very productive night. i got off work at 5:30. went to the store for this week's groceries. came home and made spaghetti sauce, half for freezin, half for wednesday night and i'm sure there will be leftovers. on another burner i made the filling for empanadas that i will make later this week. i know it seems crazy but they have basically the same ingredients so it's just easier to make them at the same time and have a fridge/freezer full of food. on yet another burner i made pork chops for tonights dinner and then we ate the leftover long grain rice and peas along with it. then i made 4 dozen pumpkin/chocolate chip muffins to take to work tomorrow. Paul took 4 dozen to his work today and said they were gone in a flash and many people thanked me from the bottom of their hearts. then i did 2 loads of laundry and walked the dog. now i am going to bed.

hot off the press

we didn't make the newspaper but the bumble bees did. i'm glad because i didn't get a picture of them. there's 4...the one is kind of back behind her sister. so cute. here's the article if you want to read more.

hit of the parade

today we were supposed to go to the pumpkin patch with Dawn, Paul's sister, and her 2 kids but it didn't work out. So Tatum and I got up and went down to the parade. She, of course, was her octopus self, and I was her backdrop, the ocean. she could NOT figure out what was on my head.

we were standing in line for the parade and lots of people took our picture. and one guy came up to me then and said "i'm with the times call....what's your name...how do you spell that?" etc etc etc.
so eat that petsmart. you can have your jippy contest we might be in the newspaper and that lasts forever and a petsmart gift card only lasts for $20. i'm not bitter though. as we were walking EVERYONE said "oh my goodness-how cute." and tons of people said "i have NEVER seen that before, can I take your picture?" why of course! another woman said "so is she your only child?" "so far" i beamed. i just explained that i love halloween, not as a pagan holiday, but as a kid holiday and i love to make it more fun for kids. all the parents loved that i was dressed up as well as tatum. there were some cute costumes. one family of FOUR girls were bumblebee's. oh gosh so cute. i saw a couple skunks.

and lots of others. it was cute. and so much fun. and best of all mrs. doolittle, otherwise known as Esther in real life, was there along with Dixie, the other wheaten from daycare. she is so cute and has a MUCH better haircut than tatum. we are going to her beauty parlor next time.

punkin time!

This is the cutest thing. If you go here you can carve your own pumpkin: Pumpkin Simulator.

Just hold down your left mouse button and carve your little hearts out. Er...wait...maybe I should say carve to your little hearts content. Ya, that's better. And then you gotta click "done" to see your finished product.
How cute!

HaPpY BiRtHdAy, TATUM!!!

today tatum turns one whole year old. can you believe it? she even got to open one of her presents before we went to work. i wrapped them in tissue paper because tissue always entices tatum. she LOVED it.
then tonight we had a little bit of a birthday party and guess who came over? BUSTER. and we finally got pictures. and i must say he looked awfully handsome in his birthday party hat.

and then we sang happy birthday. i know, pathetic, but i didn't start it, nor did i object.

and then we had cake, i had to help tatum stay in her bowl. she's not much of an eater unless it's a competition.

and then we opened presents. and then we played a little bit more before buster had to go home.

it was a fun time.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LITTLE GOLDEN BEAR!!!!

jipped!

well we got jipped. and i mean big time jipped. i don't have much time and photos will come later but we went to petsmarts howl-o-ween party last night and as soon as we walked in the door everybody cooed "oh an octopus!" "oh my gosh-she's so cute!!!" etc etc etc. and there were some CUTIE cute costumes. one dog was one of those big dogs like the dog in peter pan, and he had a little cowboy in a saddle on his back. a dachshund was a porcupine. VERY cute. and there were some schnauzers, ok so i'm biased since i LOVE schnauzers, but they were brother/sister and they were a football player and a cheerleader. too cute. personally i think store bought costumes should not be allowed to win, but here's the break down:
3rd place: a chijuajua (how DO you spell chijuaua?) dressed as a dragon/alligator
2nd place: the dachshund porcupine
and 1st place: you'd think it would be the wheaten terrier octopus but no...it was a set of chijuajuas that were a witch sort of thing-it was like witch shaped but it was orange fabric so i'm not sure what she was supposed to be, and her brother, a military man. cute yes. award winning no. and you could tell everyone in the room was like "really...the chijuajua's?" now, i don't think Tatum should have won FIRST place, because the porcipine was cah-ute! but she should have at least beat out the chijuajuas. but that's my two cents.

attitude

we joke all the time about my grandma angelo's attitude. her tag line was always "i don't understand why the world has to be so happy." she always had a way to spit the "pp's" out when she said "happy". almost made you feel guilty for giggling at her sourpuss attitude. but i have to admit i am having a hard time keeping a good attitude about this whole baby thing. today i watched this:

and wondered, how do i get that kind of attitude? i don't want to sit around and cry all the time but it's not like i come with a switch for such occassions. i'm working on it but i make no promises.

hesitant

this week was quite a roller coaster. i'm not sure i totally feel like posting but i guess since this blog is all about what's really going on with me i feel like i should share. like the kidney bean post, this could disappear if i change my mind later this morning.
here goes.
monday night i crawled into bed realizing the sheets need to be changed. i rolled over in bed to see an inch of dust on the nightstands. i looked into the bathroom only to remember i haven't cleaned them since the last time we had company. which was a very long time ago. i cried because i realized for the first time just how much depression i've been living through with all of this trying to conceive business. tuesday i was more depressed than ever. i got myself a granita...it's sort of like the longmont locals version of a frapaccino. those always put me in a better mood. but me + caffeine + 3:00 in the afternoon = way too much energy at the end of the day. so i went home and cleaned the house. i was determined. i didn't even sit down when i got home. i just started cleaning. paul made dinner but realized we needed eggs so he ran to the store. being alone in the house i broke down and took a preg test. my period was due and i didn't feel it coming so i thought i might as well try. and it happened. i got a very very VERY faint double line. if you squinted and held it just right you could see it. (a double line means you're pregnant.) i wasn't sure since it was so very faint so i posted to my fertility friends and told them. one of the girls posted a link for another girl about pregnancy tests so i was reading that web page. i found out that no matter how faint the line is, the fact that there is a double line means you're pregnant. now there are a few ways to have a false positive. one is a chemical pregnancy. one is an evap line, but those are usually grey and mine was pink. and another way is if you have taken certain meds or triggers during the month it can mess with your chemicals and create a false positive. i didn't take any triggers this month. so again i was reassured. i told myself i wouldn't retest until saturday, today, because if it was negative i didn't want to cry all day and i didn't want to take another evening test because it could just give me another faint line. so i chose to wait it out. all week little signs kept peering their little heads and i thought "this could be it" and "maybe we finally did it". friday morning i woke up puffy from my neck to my knees. my boobs were huge, porno sized boobs. again still no sign of my period. i went to work thinking "this could really be it". then at 3:00 i got it. i wanted to break down and cry for hours but i was at work. i just kept my mouth shut and didn't talk to anyone. really i was thinking "i knew it was too good to be true. why am i shocked that it's really here? how can i be surprised when deep down inside i didn't yet believe it?" but no matter. i held out strong for an entire hour. then i had to talk. it was all overwith. one tear. then the floodgates opened. it was here and i was accepting that that meant that a baby was still NOT on our horizon. i cried for the next hour, having to explain to my new boss that i had gotten a positive test on tuesday night but my period had come and my tears had nothing to do with work. i'm devastated today. i don't know how to pick myself up and dust myself off and plan forward for yet another month. i am truly ready to put this idea to rest for good. i just don't have the emotional strength to do this month after month after month. the holidays are coming which brings out all of the "baby's first christmas" decorations and the first anniversary of what would have been the birth of our first baby. this used to just suck from christmas to mother's day. now it sucks from halloween to my birthday. which leaves me 3 1/2 months out of the year to not be so affected by it all. so that's what's going on.

what a tease

last night the boyf' and his parents came over for dinner. it was so fun. it's fun to have company on a school night. anyhow. buster discovered tatum's plastic keys. i think she played with them about a month ago. that was, until, buster discovered them. it is rather ridiculous. she chased him down for the keys and then ran in the opposite direction. when he'd catch up to her she'd give him the bootie bump in the face. i usually just let them duke it out and they figure out the kinks but she kept doing this number where as soon as he got them, she'd steal them back, he would chase her and the bootie bump would be thrown about, again. finally buster had enough, he stood across the room with all 4 feet firmly planted on the ground and let out a howl as if to tattle "she took my keys and won't give them back!!!" what a couple of kids. it was so funny but i did have to finally take the keys completely away because they could not come to any sort of agreement. when we go to buster's house they do the same thing with bones. jeesh. kids.

no more silver lining

well....i don't have much to post today. today frankly, i've been down. i just can't do the roller coaster anymore waiting in anticipation wondering if maybe this month took. and frankly, all of the TTC (trying to conceive) has taken all the fun, joy, suspense and excitement right out of it and it's just no longer fun or the way i wanted any of it to happen so i just don't have anymore energy to pour into this "journey" as they call it. i look back at pictures of family weddings or christmas's and see how many of these occassions we've been waiting for our ticket to come up and it's just not happening. i don't want to hear how we should adopt because everyone who adopts gets pregnant right away. i don't want to hear how we should stop trying because we will be "relaxed" enough to conceive. i don't want to hear how god has a plan for us. i'm tired of the pep talks and what is meant to be encouragement that just frankly is not encouraging in any way. so that's me in a nutshell. aren't i a ray of sunshine?

final draft

ok-here it is. i put some suction cup thingies on the bottom of her tentacles and some eyes on it to make it look a little more realistic. so what do you think now? is she officially an octopus? and i walked her around the building to make sure she'd walk in it and she gets more comfortable in it the longer she has it on.



Ok-gotta run. Paul just called up here and said she's chasing her tentacles.

hmm...i don't know that this worked

ok-any guesses now? i'm not sure that this worked. she didn't like the thing on her head so i had to move it back and i can't tell if you can tell what she is. any creative ideas how to make it look MORE like....well...first I'll let you guess and then I'll clarify if no one gets it so i can work on it to make it look better. i'm stumped.

the feeling is mutual

so this morning i called josie to see if we could take buster on a play date to the dog park. they wrestled ALL the way there. the car was thrown into nuetral twice by hyper dog butts. they played so hard and long they wore out 3 other dogs. the only 3 other dogs willing to brave the 40 degree sprinkles we got this morning. then it was time to go so i first took tatum and wiped her down with towels (yes, it was futile). but as soon as buster realized he had been separated from tatum he howled like a romeo and juliet saga. i kept reassuring him i'd be right back for him, we were not leaving him behind. he didn't care in the LEAST that i would be back. the fact was, he was separated from tatum and he wanted NOTHING to do with that idea. and he howled and barked until i got him wiped off too (again, futile) and got them back in the car together. ??? crazy in love dogs!!! they were so caked with mud i had to give buster a bath before i took him home. josie is making cakes for a funeral today and i didn't have the heart to dump a mud bucket beagle on her. and i must say buster is WAY better in the tub than our little princess.

trick or treat

guess what tatum is going to be for halloween. it's not quite done yet, but i have a vision. i'll give you a hint. it's not a lavander gangstah. I know it looks like a hoodie but it's not going to be in the end. Any guesses?

not a baby sister

well. things here aren't so good. tonight i got an email from the rescue that said "we want you to understand, corney is not a doggie day care dog and not a dog park dog. he will try and fight a strange dog that comes at him on a leash."
ummm...ok-where's the "not aggressive" part of that statement? this will not work for tatum. she is a very much in your face dog even if your face is 6 feet off the ground. i also checked around, yes, i know, i think it was my express personnel days coming out. i called the local rescue and asked them what they know about this rescue and she said "run as fast and far as you can." could you clarify that? "she sues anyone and everyone." i went on to tell her what i knew about Corney and she said "do you know what alpha male means? aggressive." ummmmmmm.....hmmmm. i also told her that we want children in the next couple years and i keep telling this rescue because i'm looking to them for guidance on this. and i've told 3 people at this rescue and not a single one has brought up that that could raise some issues down the road. she said "you need to think about why you want a 2nd dog if you are looking to have kids. and if you came to me and told me that, i wouldn't give you a dog." This is the kind of information i needed. although it was VERY tough to hear it was the truth and that's what i was seeking out. and it made me realize how many questions and unanswered questions i have. so with tears in my eyes i wrote an email to the rescue. i haven't sent it yet. maybe tomorrow i'll have more settled feeling. but in the meantime, i'm just broken hearted and want so bad to find a home for our boy.

My Wrong List

Ok, I haven't written about this because, let's face it, I hate to think I made a mistake. And I'm not sure "mistake" is the word I want to use but here's the background.
I could not keep working for my DC office. There were LOTS of wonderful things about that job. But. My heart could not take the roller coaster of working with some of the people I had to work with. I think about "what if I had not taken this job? what if i was still there?" ok-I know the answer, I would be on prozac. I don't want to be on prozac. So, in that sense, no, I did not make a mistake. On the other hand, my new boss, whom I will just call M'Lady, because it's nicer than "the diva", tells me everyday something I have done wrong. My heart hurts every day. So I've thought through the best way for me to deal with this. It's cynicism. Healthy, no. More fun than crying, yes. Here's my plan. Every day I will write my "things I've done wrong" in the box to the right. See it there? My Wrong List? Yes. Just look there, it will be updated daily. Sometimes twice, yes, finally a reason to check numerous times a day. I know you were trying to find ways to waste more time on the internet. So there you go. Unlimited entertainment.
Oh-and because yesterdays was so good and I hadn't thought of my battle plan yet, I'll write what I should have written yesterday:
Today I wrote an email to some clients and finished it off with "if that would make it easier for you let me know and I can arrange that." I got a phone call and then a 15 minute speech on how I should have said "if you would like that it would be my pleasure."

A Bond

Tatum's boyfriend Buster has been on vacation the last 10 days. Well, Buster wasn't on vacation, he was kenneled. His mom and dad were technically the one's on vacation. I thought they were gone until Wednesday, I don't know why I thought that. But Sunday night Dave called wondering if we could help them hook their new digital camera up to the TV to see their pictures. We called them back but got voicemail and didn't want to disturb them since they, I'm SURE, just wanted to relax at home.
Well, last night I ran into Josie at the grocery store and we chit chatted, and I asked her if they'd like to come over for dinner this week and to call me and tell me what night would be good.
After I got home I took Tatum for a walk. We, of course, wandered past Buster's house, but this time something different happened. Something that hasn't happened in the last 10 days. Buster was there and he barked. It almost seemed like he was barking out to Tatum but I thought I was making that up.
Then we went back home. I told Tatum we weren't going to play last night because they were resting after a long trip. She then spent the rest of the night pacing, puking, pooing and trying to get us to take her outside. I kept falling for it thinking "she must really be sick!" Finally I took her out and let her take the lead. Again...we pulled our ways all the way back to Buster's window, and again I told her we were not going to play. We pulled in opposite directions until I finally got her home where she continued to spend the rest of the night pacing and looking at the door like "if only". Finally at bed time I realized she wasn't sick or needing to go out...she wanted to go see Buster so bad she gave herself an upset stomach. It wasn't until we were heading to bed that she finally gave up her vigil and settled down. Is that crazy or what?

told you!

Yesterday afternoon we took Tatum to the 29th street mall down in Boulder to socialize her and walk her around people. We still got some "oh look how cute!" comments but we also got two, repeat TWO, "is she a poodle?" comments. I politely smiled and said "No, she's a Wheaten with a bad haircut." UGH! I told my boss, she has 2 cocker spaniels and this weekend got another rescue cocker/something mix. She's going to give me the name of her groomer. I need someone that understands what a WHEATEN is supposed to look like. Darn poodle head haircut, don't know what they were thinking!

Momma I'm NAKED!!

Tatum got groomed today. I told them we've been having trouble with her legs matting up since she gets her feet wet so much and they said they could shave her legs down a bit. They THOUGHT they would be able to fade it in, but would still have to cut some of her back fur off otherwise she would look like a cotton ball on toothpicks...unfortunately when they went to "fade" the fur it ended up much like my bangs in the 3rd grade. I kept trying and trying to get a straight line until I stood back and looked and realized I had cut my bangs so short I couldn't even get the scissors any closer to my head. Ya....she came home like this:


I know it will grow out BUT I asked them to keep her bangs long, it's really called their "veil" for wheaten's, and look. These were my exact words, "Last time she came in her bangs got cut like a brick wall, flat. I want the top of her bangs to stay long." Now, I understand, or can at least force myself to reason with the excuse of "we couldn't get her hair to fade with out cutting her back fur." But I cannot reason out why they cut the top of her head like a poodle. I guess we won't be getting the "she's the cutest dog I've ever seen!" comments at the dog park next weekend. AND all of this and they didn't send her home with a bandana. that's her favorite part of getting groomed. I said this last time, and I am saying it again, this may be the last time we go to that groomer. From the back you can see her raison. (It's just under her tail if you catch my drift.) And although I love everything about her, I don't know that I want her raison to show for all the world.

Anyhow, on news about our Giligan boy...I'm on the rescue email list and tonight I came home to find this email in my box! This must mean we passed everything else. Now unless we give them bad vibes it looks like we'll have a new addition soon!
AAAAAAHHH!!! And I just realized that now when you go here you can see a little red box on his picture that says "HP" with means "Home Check in Progress"!!!!

S'Wheat Rescues is in need of a homecheck in the
following area:

city: Longmont
state: Colorado
country: usa
zip: 80501

If you can help, please email directly to
cheryl@wheatenterri errescue. org
What is a homecheck?

Basically it just consists of calling the potential
adopter to setup and appointment and then going by and
meeting them and giving me your gut reaction. The
potential adopters have already been interviewed by a
coordinator by phone and had their references screened
prior to the homecheck being scheduled. The homecheck
is the final step in being approved to adopt a dog. I
generally ask people to tell me if they would be
willing to leave their dog if they were going on
vacation.

If the yard is fenced it needs to be checked to make
sure the fence is secure, gates latch, no gaps a dog
can get through, etc. The only "rule" is that everyone
who lives in the home, including household pets, must
be there for the homecheck.

There are no forms to fill out or checklists to go
by - you simply email me your opinion after you are
done and that is all there is to it!

softy

last night i got ready to go to bed and found this already on my bed.

hmmmm...when, exactly, did she become an up-on-the-bed dog? Paul pretended he didn't know she was there but i think that was just an act. he's also been letting her up on the leather couches under the ruse of "well, only when we're on here and invited her."

But, good news on our boy. Last night we were paying the bills and got a phone call from "Magnolia Pump". I said "I'm not getting that, it's a telemarketing call." and we went back to paying the bills. The answering machine picked up and we heard "This is Becky from Wheaten Rescue, we got your application for Corney..." our eyes got big as saucers and I whipped the phone out of the cradle to catch her. We got to talk to her for almost 45 minutes. She said "I'm so excited to see an application for Corney. He's the rescue that we've had the longest and you are the only application that has come in for him." !!!???!!! WHAT !!!???!!! I asked why she thinks that might be and the only reason she can think is that he was dyed pink. I said "that's what we loved about him!" We went on to talk and she said "now he's an alpha male, is your female submissive?" and I told her "yes, this is one of our concerns, we don't want to take him on if he's so dominant that it will crush her spirit. She was the timid puppy of the pack and we have worked really hard from the day we brought her home to socialize her with people, kids, dogs and don't want another dog to come in and push her down." she said "I have a timid puppy of the pack too and she flourished when we got the alpha. It just gives them someone to follow and guide them. Corney is alpha but he is in no way aggressive." Ok-good to know-that was my biggest fear. We went on to talk about food and vets and grooming and all of that we have under control from having Tatum. So, our next step is to have our references checked. They will be doing that the next couple days. Then they will put in a request for a home check and that could take up to a month. They just have to wait for a volunteer to be willing to come to our home and interview me, Paul and Tatum. I asked what they are looking for in a home check. She said "We just want to be sure that you guys are going to provide a dog friendly home and that you aren't the type of people that would chain him up to a tree out front and leave him there." Oh boy-do they have a surprise waiting for them when they find out what a PRINCESS we have created in Tatum. I think all of that sounds promising. Of course, no hopes can be too far up until after we pass the home check and then we have 2 weeks to pick up our new baby boy from Kansas City, MO.
We kept asking Tatum if she wanted a baby brother and now we've changed the question to "would you like to be a baby sister." She just looks at us like "I'm not sure what that is going to entail so let's discuss."

Corney

We have applied to rescue a Wheaten. His name is Cornelius but they call him Corney. We would probably call him Giligan if we could ever get him to change his name yet again.












When they found him he had been dyed pink and they don't know why.












I think he would make a GREAT brother for Tatum. We'll see. He's been on the rescue page for a month or so. Keep your fingers crossed.
Here's the link to read more about him and see more pictures. There's another dog on his page that is whiter and smaller...i'm not sure who that is but he's the bigger one.