no more silver lining

well....i don't have much to post today. today frankly, i've been down. i just can't do the roller coaster anymore waiting in anticipation wondering if maybe this month took. and frankly, all of the TTC (trying to conceive) has taken all the fun, joy, suspense and excitement right out of it and it's just no longer fun or the way i wanted any of it to happen so i just don't have anymore energy to pour into this "journey" as they call it. i look back at pictures of family weddings or christmas's and see how many of these occassions we've been waiting for our ticket to come up and it's just not happening. i don't want to hear how we should adopt because everyone who adopts gets pregnant right away. i don't want to hear how we should stop trying because we will be "relaxed" enough to conceive. i don't want to hear how god has a plan for us. i'm tired of the pep talks and what is meant to be encouragement that just frankly is not encouraging in any way. so that's me in a nutshell. aren't i a ray of sunshine?