the most interesting thing i will ever find in bushes ever.

the other day i was looking at the new flowers that are popping up all over our yard. some of which i did not plant. and then i found this stray piece of paper in my bushes. dang it! i hate how the wind is pushing all the garbage all over...until i started reading what it was. this was no grocery list or note to self. this was almost the most interesting page i have ever read. and so i saved it to share with you:

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...his son, so maybe it wasn't. if he was 21, he was just barely 21!

3-17-92
i called devere sunday night. his mother answered. he said his kids, his mother and aunts and ucles were there. wedding reception? i told him to call me back when he had time to talk. he hasn't yet, of course. the thing is, i didn't really believe he was getting married. i don't know if it was a bluff or if he was playing a card. whatever it was, he got me to fold! i'm certain it was for the best.

3-27-92
devere hasn't called. ray hasn't called. tom hasn't called. i shouldn't be depressed. i'm not.

we've been really busy. i worked last saturday and will again tomorrow. debbie and i worked until 8:00 or 8:30 three nights this week.

right after i got home saturday diane called. i went over and helped them move. sunday i went and helped her clean the house in [my neighborhoods name]. their house in berthoud is real nice.

sandy called me tonight in tears. she had yesterday off, michael didn't come over. he said he was going fishing. she thinks he lied and has taken his wife somewhere for the weekend. she says she can't take the loneliness. i told her she could if she made up her mind to live without him and live

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her life for herself. when she decides to be alone, the loneliness comes seldom and is less empty. she also said she writes how she feels, i asked her if she wrote it with the intention that no one else would ever read it, or with the thought that someone else would. she said she writes it to michael. i suggested she start writing for the purpose of identifying her thoughts and feelings. she still thought of giving them to michael even when she thought she was going to write just for herself.

5-13-92
this is becoming a sex journal! i don't write until i've gotten laid!

on my birthday, debbie and scott and i went to the day races in loveland. we lost.

i went to an ABWA seminar in boulder (i've forgotten when it was). they auctioned a balloon ride. i bought it for $310.

the channel 6 auction was the end of april. i bought a lot of things. the most exciting was a $515 pentax camera for $275.

i was going to have easter because niki said "betty always has easter". on wedensday before mama called to ask me if i'd be mad if everybody didn't come to my house for easter. randy has had spots on his lungs for four years. when they first found them the doctors said it was...

seriously and for real i want the other 532 pages of this bad boy.

Asher's Birthday

I LOVE birthday parties for my kids. Each year we try to tone it down more and more. This year Karyssa will be four and I am going to TRY and only have 4 little friends over (one for each year.) But I LOVE the look on the kids' faces when everyone sings happy birthday. UGH! priceless!
This year we had our parents and a few buddies that are Asher's age come over and I did an airplane party for him. Cupcakes, a fruit plate and these bad boys.

They actually were delicious and actually took me all week to figure out. I know about the gum and life saver planes, but everybody was 2...so that didn't really work. I walked up and down the candy aisle and came up with this.

First the wheels didn't stand up with icing. Then they fell flat on the bottom. Then I decided to melt chocolate chips, dip the M&M's and set them side by side on the bottom of the twix bar. Then let them cool in the fridge for a day. Wah-lah! It worked. Then the icing worked to attach the graham cracker wings and the propeller pretzel. Honestly, if I would have had enough chocolate I would have done melted chocolate for all 3 parts but...they tasted delicious and lasted long enough for the party so that's what I did.

This was the look on his face when we sang Happy Birthday and everyone got to the "Dear Aaaaaasheeeer!" part. UGH! my favorite part!!! I love that little man!

almost to normal and CELTIC IDEAS!!!!!

today we had another evaluation for the public school speech therapy. the first time we went i kinda got the feeling karyssa wouldn't qualify. i was so excited. but today it sounds like she actually will. *sigh* let me just clarify. i am all about early intervention and whatever will help to do it early so we don't have to do it so long. but it felt SO nice to have a "normal" stamp on our passport. time will tell...maybe she still won't qualify and to that i will say "WAAAAAAHOOO!!" even though it means we would continue paying for preschool ourselves. i will gadly play each month if it means we can be tagged "normal".

then i took her to preschool and asher and i had a date at the library. he has recently in the last couple weeks fallen head over heels in LOVE with books. i am loving it as it means he will finally sit still long enough for me to read to him. he would let me read to him in bed but sometimes i would start the first couple pages and then just turn out the lights and say goodnight. he was so squirmy he wouldn't listen. then as he got older he'd listen in bed, if he was tired, sucking on a passie, and moments from passing out. now he'll bring me books all day long. his favorite is goodnight gorilla. especially after my friend gina told me her daughter charlotte, who is a couple months older than asher, had figured out that there's a balloon on every page. the same balloon that gets farther and farther away as the story goes on. asher LOVES this aspect and he now sleeps with goodnight gorilla for every nap and bedtime. last night we couldn't find it so he slept with goodnight moon and woke up at 2am to let me know he was sleeping with goodnight moon and NOT goodnight gorilla. at 2am i don't much care. goodnight ASHER!!

anyway-long tangent to: i took him to the library for some alone time with me and after picking out a book he won't read anyway (as it's not goodnight gorilla) we went upstairs and i found this book in the quilting section.
*GASP* MORE celtic quilting?? where's celtic quilting?? i love celtic stuff. LOVE IT! after i finish my cousin lauren's quilt i have her brother tristan's quilt. and these are my ideas for that bad boy. it's a FUN quilt. black. LOTS of black. i can't wait. it's so manly and gorgeous and i love quilting this stuff so i'll be able to whiz through it. but first i'm doing a quilt for little ole me. can't wait though. his quilt has me quite motivated to keep working.

inside a white block with black thread. oh ya, i'm that bold. can't WAIT.


on a black border with the same black thread. oooo! like a hidden secret with tons of detail. i love surprises you have to search for.


and this along the border of the blocks and along the border of the quilt, somehow intertwined with itself all the way around...gotta figure that part out but i think i have an idea.


can't WAIT. after may, when lauren gets hers, i can post pictures of the finished product. my grandma has already told me lauren won't get to see it until after mudders sees her walk across the graduation stage. so i can't post pictures yet. ok...munchkins are into something. gotta run.

and cue hoarding. i refuse for this to be a "thing"!!

the last few days have been hectic around here. karyssa had more play therapy. i've been given a book to read and it's actually really helpful. it's called "beyond consequences". it's more for attachment issued kids, which we don't really have, buuuuuuut lately (since decembers birth family visits) we've been having a hard time throwing away wrappers. i watch hoarders with my jaw on my lap. so the thought that someday we could be going over to camera crews on karysssa's front lawn and dead cats buried under piles of newspaper clippings in the family room had me motivated. almost.
as she was leaving play therapy she wouldn't throw away the juice box her therapist had given her. the therapist looked at me and said "does she always have trouble throwing things away?" *sigh* "yes...treat wrappers, gum wrappers, that kind of thing." i had noticed it. i didn't want to face it yet. i didn't want it to be a "thing" we were going to have to deal with but it was out there now.
the book touched on hoarding so i tried it with karyssa. "i know you want to keep the wrapper because it reminds you of the treat, but just because you throw away the wrapper doesn't mean you have to throw away the treat...can mommy throw the wrapper away for you?" "ya." *whew*

today she started preschool. i sent her upstairs to pick out an outfit. later i went up to check on her and she came bolting out of her room, in a combination that made my eyes water, and said "i need a bow!" technically her outfit should have worked, flowers on bottom, butterflies on top but wow-totally different color schemes and styles. i didn't want her going to her first day looking like an elderly asian woman so i picked a couple plain patterned pants and she chose between them. thank goodness. i did good when it was time to leave. i lingered for a while but then i was starting to tear up. instead of sitting in the corner of the classroom clinching onto asher and sobbing silently i decided we'd better get while the going was good. i walked up and said quickly "see you in a few hours sweetie" and bolted quickly!! i cried all the way to the car. all the way out of the parking lot. and then took asher to the rec center for some one-on-one mommy and swimming time. i admit, i cried just a little bit in the pool. he LOVED it. although he's been itching ever since. poor guy and that dang eczema. afterwards i put him in childcare and worked out on my own. when i picked him up i said "you ready to go pick up karyssa?" and he shook his head no! HA! he LOVED karyssa being in school.

he's become SO opinionated. when karyssa poops on the potty she gets gum. well, asher thinks he deserves a piece just for being cute. i started it with chocolate chips so it's partially my fault that his cuteness reward has carried over when the ante got upped to gum. yesterday she pooped on the potty while he was still asleep. when he woke up and discovered she'd pooped with out him he stood under the gum cabinet crying until i clarified "so you think you deserve gum for karyssa pooping on the potty?" he stopped mid-sob and said "uh-huh." he got gum. tonight at dinner i cut his burger and he grabbed my fork and put his hand on his burger while letting out a blood curdling scream that i was actually CUTTING his burger. paul said "when did he get so opinionated?" i said "well, he is almost 2!" i guess it's time. this afternoon he cried off and on all afternoon. i finally put him in his room for quiet time. he played quietly up there until paul came home so i guess he just needed some time to himself. good thing we're gonna get a whole lotta momma time in the next few months.