again. same story. different post.

i'm having a pisser day today. i am now on day 40 of my cycle. longest cycle to date! i'm so pissed. i think my body is giving up on me. i've tested twice and nothing. but i'm getting hot flashes and i don't feel like my period is anywhere in sight. i have little cramps every now and then and then nothing. no period. no spotting. no positive test. just waiting. waiting for my period. waiting to start again. meanwhile the pregnancy announcements are coming at me left and right. and today i just want to cave in and cry for days. i'm so sick of feeling like this isn't fair. i've tried moving on. tht didn't work either. i've tried giving up. and again, no luck. i don't know where to go or what to do or how to get myself beyond all of this.
i wish i could quit my job and just stay home and paint my toenails and not stress. but then i'd just be stressed about money anyway and go back to work.