not a word

tonight was our first home study meeting. it was very informative. we have a bunch of little projects we have to work on in the meantime. we also have to find a 3rd bedroom. sooo...dust off those boxes and here we go again. not sure where we'll land but i SURE hope god makes it clear because i'm not good at this stabbing in the dark thing.
we were also told we will not be able to say a word of any of this foster care business to ANYONE. and then there was a dramatic pause in the conversation to drive home the point. i'm scared already. and here's a couple fears i have.
1. what if we get a child that says we accused them of abuse and we really didn't? do they believe us? do the dig to the absolute bottom to find out the truth? and if they decide we are lieing and not the child will we EVER be able to adopt again? because if not i'm not sure i can do this. it's very scary.
2. what if we get kids that drive us against each other. that's scary too. up until this point we've had a fairly good marriage. sure we have our fights and our times where we'd rather be islands and not have to deal with the other. but truth be told, we don't fight that much. when we do they are quick and we resolve it. what if that doesn't stay the same?
3. what if we get kids that we can't handle? i don't know that i could "send them back". i seriously don't know how you do that. how do you give up on a child that doesn't know any better?
4. what if i say something i'm not allowed to say? i'm an open book. how do i not tell everything i know? i'm not a good liar either. for instance, when i lie, i giggle afterwards, which then makes the other person say "are you lieing?" and of course i blurt "yes." i didn't last long in DC for that exact reason. not that everyone in DC lies, i'm just sayin'.

so if you're a prayer, you can start praying for these things. now instead of saying yikes, all that comes to mind is *gulp*.