crib vs. bed

a LOT has happened this week. emotionally i'm drained. physically i'm exhausted. i need to take a 10 day nap. wednesday we were told get ready. today at 1:00 i was told don't quit my day job. and was asked if we had a crib. well, yes, we put sweet pea in her big girl bed so we can use the crib. then at 4:15 was asked when exactly i transitioned sweet pea into her big girl bed. well, it was almost a couple weeks ago, on the first. then i was asked who told me it was ok to transfer her. i said, well, nobody, i didn't realize i needed permission, nobody told us that in training....we just thought.... then i was told to call my pediatrician immediately to find out when the pediatrician thinks i should, it was too early and she was emotionally not ready. totally confused i called the doctors office and left a message for her nurse. the receptionist giggled that i had to ask, the nurse giggled when she called me back and the doctor said she'd love to learn where that came from because there's no connection to developmental security and transferring from a crib. i called back and said word for word what the doctor said and was told it's not her development, it's her emotional security. i sheepishly through tears asked if this jeopardized sweets taken out of our home and was told the county isn't that punitive. whatever that means. i finally told her that if they thought having the new baby come into our home was too much for sweets emotional needs they can place it somewhere else!!! i'd give up 10 babies if it meant keeping sweet pea! that may be what ends up happening since i have proven myself to be an unfit mother in the eyes of the county and clearly don't understand the delicate emotional needs of my child. the same child whom, i'm told, i understand better than anyone and they are just shocked at how well i can read her. ya-that's the child that i have now emotionally scared by putting her in her big girl bed at 20 months of age.

i called my foster mom extraordinaire to say "what gives?!" and she thinks there's just a lot of stress going around and it's all rolling down hill.