Monday, September 21, 2009

ok. this still sucks.

i'm not sure if facebook is such a great idea or not. it seems every time i'm on there someone new is counting down the days until they deliver their baby. or counting up the days since they found out they were pregnant. or announcing that they're on their way into the delivery room. or giving the weight, length, gender, name and time their baby arrived. i get it. it's a social network. but does it have to make me feel so friggin left behind? maybe i need to get off of there. i cry every day now. i just wonder what it's like to get a baby and know you won't have to give it back. i put sweet pea to bed and cry because i don't know how many more of these nights i'll get. or how i'll ever get through one with out her. and i pick her up from day care before i run my errands so i can spend more minutes with her. this sucks. it's like getting to have a baby and knowing they are going to die before all of your dreams for them come true. maybe i'm not cut out for this fostering thing anymore. and maybe i'm not cut out for facebook anymore either.

3 comments:

Dave Schipper said...

It is a different animal... I use it only to stay in touch with a few family and friends and that's it!

rachelle said...

I know, sweetie. I was just telling my acupuncture lady that EVERYONE I know is pregnant or giving birth--in real life, and then SO MUCH MORE SO because of Facebook. I know this is so hard. And I can't imagine how you must feel about Sweet Pea. You are so brave for giving this fostering thing a try, even if it might mean you have to say goodbye to her eventually. You have shown her so much love at this crucial time in her development, so even if you might have to part ways, God brought the two of you together for a very good reason. I have lots more I could say, but just please know how much you are loved and worthwhile and wonderful, pregnant belly or not. Try to keep asking God what it is he's trying to teach you here, and I'll keep asking him to get on with the lesson already. Love you so much.

Unknown said...

this is so hormones talking!!!! this is a sure sign of the positive changes happening from the acupuncture! do not give up!!! loves