::awesome:: things people say to me when i admit we do foster/adopt

....AND the things i wish i had the guts to say back.

It's so nice you got them before they had any psychosocial issues.
>and what's your excuse?!? (expletives would follow but i'm working on my sailor's mouth.)

Do you know the donors? (Another favorite: real parents.)
1. Yes, I know the donors and the polite term is "birth parents" and we love them very much because they gave us what doctors couldn't. Don't be an idiot. Would I call your parents your donors? No.
2. And just like she's my real daughter and he's my real son, i am their real mom.

Are they all yours?
ok, first off, i get it. 4 is a lot of kids. but hey, 4 is the new black. and yes, i understand it's medically and physically impossible to give birth to babies 6 1/2 months apart. so when i tell you yes, they are all mine it's because whether their legal tag is foster or adopted or birthed YES, they are,in fact,ALL MINE ALL MINE ALL MINE! and when i tell you the babies are twins it's because in my mind they are irish twins and i'm hoping you'll stop with the poking and prodding of my personal family details. i don't ask you if your children were conceived missionary or doggie style so why don't we all just agree to not be too intrusive. mmmmkay?

What's wrong with their parents?
What's wrong with yours, dip shit? and again i go back to trying to work on my sailor's mouth but seriously, some of you deserve a slap up the face.
nothing is "wrong" with their birth parents. they all 4 happen to be great people. some might not be amazing productive citizens, i will leave that up to your own interpretations. but some of them happen to be really good people that have made the choice that they can not parent at this point in their lives. i don't fault them for that. i thank them for that. i wasn't ready to parent until i was 31.

When my polite answer doesn't calm their curiosity they follow with: No, I mean, why did you get them?
I have no dignifying answer to this and usually say "I really don't know." You should interpret this as "it's none of your business" because that's what I really mean.

Do they have any issues?
Yes, but luckily none as bad as yours.

Do you have to let them see their birth parents?
No. We chose to because in our instance it is appropriate and we have found, at least with karyssa, it helps ground her. She needs to know that her birth dad is doing ok. Wouldn't you wonder if you hadn't seen your parents in a while, no phone calls, no emails? She does too. It's important to her to know that he's ok and doing well. Asher, on the other hand, has no clue he's adopted. Some day he's gonna be so shocked. We explain to him all the time karyssa's birth dad is his birth dad, and karyssa's birth mom is his birth mom. at this point I think he's pretty sure Karyssa has some special uncle that we visit from time to time.

We'd adopt through foster care but we want a kid we can intellectually relate to.
You're right. No foster kid is that dumb. Jack ass.

Are you afraid they'll want to go back to their birth families when they grow up?
No, I'd be proud if they wanted contact when they are old enough to chose because it would mean that Paul and I, along with all of our kids' birth parents, were mature enough to handle that it truly does take a village to raise a child and somehow in this mess of a muck of a family we mashed together we did it.

Aren't you afraid their birth parents will want them back?
No...we're lucky that all of our birth parents respect us as parents to their children. Every single birth parent will always love their child as much as we do. We love that. We love that our kids all have amazing love coming to them from all kinds of places. I wouldn't want them to NOT "want" their child.


I just logged on after a few short years and found this post unpublished. Still my sentiments but my answers are firmer now. Must come with motherhood.