and cue hoarding. i refuse for this to be a "thing"!!

the last few days have been hectic around here. karyssa had more play therapy. i've been given a book to read and it's actually really helpful. it's called "beyond consequences". it's more for attachment issued kids, which we don't really have, buuuuuuut lately (since decembers birth family visits) we've been having a hard time throwing away wrappers. i watch hoarders with my jaw on my lap. so the thought that someday we could be going over to camera crews on karysssa's front lawn and dead cats buried under piles of newspaper clippings in the family room had me motivated. almost.
as she was leaving play therapy she wouldn't throw away the juice box her therapist had given her. the therapist looked at me and said "does she always have trouble throwing things away?" *sigh* "yes...treat wrappers, gum wrappers, that kind of thing." i had noticed it. i didn't want to face it yet. i didn't want it to be a "thing" we were going to have to deal with but it was out there now.
the book touched on hoarding so i tried it with karyssa. "i know you want to keep the wrapper because it reminds you of the treat, but just because you throw away the wrapper doesn't mean you have to throw away the treat...can mommy throw the wrapper away for you?" "ya." *whew*

today she started preschool. i sent her upstairs to pick out an outfit. later i went up to check on her and she came bolting out of her room, in a combination that made my eyes water, and said "i need a bow!" technically her outfit should have worked, flowers on bottom, butterflies on top but wow-totally different color schemes and styles. i didn't want her going to her first day looking like an elderly asian woman so i picked a couple plain patterned pants and she chose between them. thank goodness. i did good when it was time to leave. i lingered for a while but then i was starting to tear up. instead of sitting in the corner of the classroom clinching onto asher and sobbing silently i decided we'd better get while the going was good. i walked up and said quickly "see you in a few hours sweetie" and bolted quickly!! i cried all the way to the car. all the way out of the parking lot. and then took asher to the rec center for some one-on-one mommy and swimming time. i admit, i cried just a little bit in the pool. he LOVED it. although he's been itching ever since. poor guy and that dang eczema. afterwards i put him in childcare and worked out on my own. when i picked him up i said "you ready to go pick up karyssa?" and he shook his head no! HA! he LOVED karyssa being in school.

he's become SO opinionated. when karyssa poops on the potty she gets gum. well, asher thinks he deserves a piece just for being cute. i started it with chocolate chips so it's partially my fault that his cuteness reward has carried over when the ante got upped to gum. yesterday she pooped on the potty while he was still asleep. when he woke up and discovered she'd pooped with out him he stood under the gum cabinet crying until i clarified "so you think you deserve gum for karyssa pooping on the potty?" he stopped mid-sob and said "uh-huh." he got gum. tonight at dinner i cut his burger and he grabbed my fork and put his hand on his burger while letting out a blood curdling scream that i was actually CUTTING his burger. paul said "when did he get so opinionated?" i said "well, he is almost 2!" i guess it's time. this afternoon he cried off and on all afternoon. i finally put him in his room for quiet time. he played quietly up there until paul came home so i guess he just needed some time to himself. good thing we're gonna get a whole lotta momma time in the next few months.

oooooooh snap.

Today the kids didn't nap at ALL because they fell asleep with their eyes open in the car. They get this glazed over look and stare off into space and i know that naptime will be an uphill battle. Anyway, after giggling in Karyssa's room together for a while they both came barreling downstairs so I just gave up on nap and gave them a snack. While they were sitting at the table Karyssa confesses, on behalf of Asher, that "Asher came in her room and was in her bed." and I said (as if I was shocked) "WHAT?! is that why I heard giggling and you guys weren't napping?!?" and she pointed her finger up in the air and then quickly snapped it down at him from across the table. SO FUNNY! Oh my goodness.

Then later Asher took a pair of her pants from the hearth and threw them on the floor with a vengeance and said "HA!" like "TAKE THAT!" It was so funny. He's SO testosterony/aggressive.

And I love that Karyssa is now old enough to talk but young enough to not know how to lie. Asher came wobbling over to me sobbing the kind of sob that comes with drool. I said "Karyssa, can you tell me what happened?" "I bonked him." ?? "on purpose or it was an accident?" "on purpose." ok..wow...if only it would stay this easy. I made her give him a hug and sit in time out only long enough that I could stop giggling. I'm so Cam.

what daddy really spends all of our money on.

today was karyssa's first play therapy session. the therapist said "so where's daddy?" karyssa said "at work." the therapist clarified "oooh...makin' the big bucks 'eh?...so...what does daddy do with all that money? what's he bring home with it? ice cream?" karyssa answered "beer!"

*siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh* my first reaction was to cackle laugh (the laugh I hate that only comes out when i'm completely taken off guard and didn't have time to prepare my more reserved laugh.) i continued to giggle silently until i called paul from the lobby, still giggling. he was mortified! later i realized why she thinks that. mommy is the one that brings home the groceries. but i don't want to take the kids into a liquor store. i dunno...there's just something about a kid in a liquor store that sends all my foster-mommy-red-flags up. so when we get beer or wine i send paul to the liquor store...therefore, daddy is the one who brings home the beer!

yesterday paul had the day off so we decided to take the kids to tiny town so paul can get a lay of the land over there. paul got dressed in an outfit he'd wear to work, since his office is very casual, it's not out of place to wear it on a weekend. as we were coming downstairs asher said "it's saturday?" baffled that we didn't just hear that we both said "what?" and he said "daddy staying?" um...WHAT?!? he just started saying "hot" on thanksgiving...how does he know the days of the week? and when daddy should and shouldn't be staying home? complex little mind of his. these kids keep me guessing that's for sure.

my sweet asher man

lately asher has been whippin' out all kinds of personality. i just can't get over how testosterone just oozes out of him on a daily basis. he's growly and aggressive and just plain manly. he laughs hysterically when he falls and even more if karyssa falls. yesterday we took an hour and a half bike ride on the kids new strider bikes and we got on a street that still had some slick snow and at every driveway karyssa would wipe out which made asher laugh so hard from behind he could hardly hold his bike up. karyssa did not find it as funny, for the record. he's sooooo different from her so it still surprises me on a regular basis.

then there's days like today and the testosterone is the least of his surprises. we went to tiny town this morning and i witnessed him steal at least 2 cars/tricycles from other kids before i could bolt across the gym to correct him. other parents were polite and said things like "it's ok, we're learning to share." i said "so are we."

then this afternoon we went to the store, mainly because neither one of them took a nap so we HAD to get out of the house. after paying for our groceries and pulling the cart away the cashier looked down in the little car where asher was sitting and said "oh! he's got a rolo!" and i said "then there's an open package over there because i didn't give him one...." and she said "no, he's got the whole role." i looked down and he's double fisting them into his mouth. there were 5 left on the bottom of the car floor. for pete's sake. i don't know how many come in a package, but it's WAY more than 5. thank god it wasn't the reese's because i had left the epi-pens at home. i also noticed he had a can of chicken noodle soup, which means he'd been doing his own shopping down in that little car all the way through the store. 95 cents for those dang rolos!

tonight when we were home he came up to me with the little toy tea pot and a tea cup and pretended to pour me a cup and handed it over, pinkies up. oh that boy is so dang cute! i took it and he was more than pleased to pour me cup after cup after cup. it was the first time he pretended play on his own. he'll play cars and make the "vroom" noise...but he's never USED his imagination before. it was kind of exciting to be there for the first time. and that is why i give up every paycheck to stay home with them. i looooooove being able to stay home and there's not a day that i take it for granted. i am pretty sure i love him more every day. and every day i think i can't possibly love him more and then the next day i do. ugh! makes me want to go up there and kiss those chubby cheeks one more time while he sleeps.

karyssa-isms

lately karyssa has been full of funny things. now that her speech is getting clearer it's funny to get the thoughts out.

the other day her and asher were putting away a fishing game and i told them to find all the fish. asher then picked one up and held it up proudly and she said "good-eye ratcliffe*" and kept looking for more without skipping a beat. (*only our bloggy last name...not our real last name.)

the next day she sat up on top of paul first thing in the morning while we were still in bed and said "we have shiners!" i let paul figure it out because i couldn't make out the word. we both started looking around for the definition of a shiner when paul said "where?" and she said "on our bottoms. we have shiners." again...puzzled we look at each other and then i realized. the day before while going to the bathroom karyssa asked me "mommy, is that your penis?" (she had recently been corrected when telling asher that he had a peanut.) "no," i said, "mommy has a vagina. and you have a vagina, because we're girls. daddy and brother man have penises but we have vaginas...so tatum's a girl...what does she have?" looking at me puzzled i answered my own question, "tatum has a vagina too." so after proclaiming on top of paul that she had a "shiner" i quickly realized what conversation we were processing and filled paul in on the day before. karyssa then said to paul "so what does tatum have?" *sigh* oooooh she's so funny.

we play hide and seek a lot, mostly to work on counting to ten. lately we've mastered counting to ten so i've begun working on the alphabet with her. tonight when going over flash cards i got to "G" with a picture of a garden on it. "guh, guh gaaarden..." i said. "what does a garden begin with?" "a SHOVEL!" she proclaimed. yes...it does begin with a shovel. ask a silly question.....

man i love her.

damn you potty training and child psychology!!! *shaking fists in the air*

soooooo we've been having more pee accidents. not poop anymore because now she gets gum for keeping her pants clean and dry during naptime. but now we're back to pee accidents...when she's awake! and standing 3 feet from a toilet!!!

so today we talked about it AGAIN!
me: karyssa, are you worried about your birth family?
karyssa: i'm karyssa ratcliffe (not our real last name)
me: you are karyssa ratcliffe. are you thinking about daddy ******* or step-grandma, or abuelo?
karyssa: i want to see step-grandma

my head: DANG IT NOOOOOOOO!!!! I DON'T WANT TO!!!!! stomping feet like a 2 year old.

me (out loud): grandma ratcliffe? step-grandma? grandma mimi?
karyssa: step-grandma. i want her come to my birthday.
[backstory: yesterday i made cupcakes from the same recipe my sister-in-law made karyssa's birthday cake so her birthday is fresh on her mind even though it's a full 6 months away.]

my head: what the heck?? (not the word i want to use)

me (out loud): well if you want to see her you can just tell mommy. ok?


i chat all of this to paul and he says "ya, because she wants presents." WHEW! yes, i think that is accurate. in her mind her birthday equals presents and who brings her presents the last 2 times she saw her? step-grandma. so the plan is still on to have no contact until she's old enough to tell us what exactly she wants.


in asher news: yesterday paul wiped him down with a wipe and he screamed "HOT!" when the wipe touched his eczema thumb. i can't STAND his eczema. i have kept him off peanuts and taken him back off of all things egg (which is HARD, let me tell you, when you love to bake) so i'm hoping eventually his thumb will look like a normal thumb and not one that's been through a meat grinder. he's talking more and more, and mimicking karyssa more and more. it's so interesting to finally hear his thoughts. right now he is sitting in the bumbo chair, they both have their bike helmets on and they are throwing cars at each other. hot wheel cars, not real cars...they aren't hercules children. the other day he took his helmet to paul and said "ride bike!!" and so we did. man i love these munchkins.