we have a new worker-and she sees the chemistry

since day ONE the kids have known they are connected. they have a chemistry that i can't explain. when peanut wakes up and sweet pea runs over to see him he lights up. he smiles real big. now i know, i know, he's in the phase where he smiles at everything-but his smiles for her are different. he looks at her first. studies her for just a second and then smiles as if to say "i getcha."
well, the other day we got to meet our new case worker. the kids' case worker won't change...but mine did. i'm fine with it. it will be a good change. and while she was here peanut woke up from his nap. i went up and got him while sweet pea stayed downstairs and played. when i brought him back down sweet pea crawled up on my lap to see him right away, she always has to see him right away, and he looked at her, studied her for a second and then smiled his big smile for her. and sweet pea caressed his head and tilted her head to the side and smiled back. the case worker teared up and said "they really know each other." and i told her they've had that connection since the day he came home. she knew he was hers. and he knew her right away. they have a chemistry that cannot be explained. she said she wished i could tell more people about this. she saw it! and i love that there's someone else that can vouch for me and their chemistry! and now i know all the fighting i did to keep the kids together was worth it. just like the siblings in this post, i knew i had to fight for them.

i sound like an old person

i remember people saying it all the time when we were little, although they were usually referring to my brother dan. but kids grow up SO FAST! this weekend i switched out wardrobes since sweet pea's pants have been fitting like high waters for the past 3 weeks and there have been a couple times where i've gone to get peanut out of his crib only to find that he's literally outgrown his pajamas overnight. i can tell because his shoulders are protruding out the top of the neck of his jammies. it's amazing. i pull out clothes the next size bigger and think they could never fit in them only to find that they fit snug as a bug. makes me so sad to think they are growing up so fast, but so proud to realize that she is no longer failure to thrive. today i picked up sweet pea from her lunch spot and had to give a little extra heave-ho to her girth (if i can even call it that yet). and peanut can now hold his head up and find his fist when he's hungry. he sucks on his knuckles moreso than his fingers. it's the cutest sound even at 1am. i am now one of those mom's that puts the clothes away with a little tinge of "oh no! she'll never wear this again" or "he'll never be this small ever ever again in his life." but i know it's a good thing. i think the confusing part of foster is that as you rejoice in every ounce gained and every inch grown and every day closer to the next court date you can so easily forget to enjoy the here and now. i work on it daily, hourly almost. although i can't wait for the next court date, i sure want to enjoy the months in between.

vaccinations SUCK

monday i had to take peanut for his 2 month vaccinations. i made the appointment weeks ago, put it on the calendar, and then didn't think much of it. until i was there. and the nurse came out and gave me a form and then about 4 flyers about each vaccination and what each one vaccinated for. and then i had to initial next to each one. ugh! i asked if any of them had ANY thimerosal and was told no.

let me just get on a soapbox here. i'm not a conspiracy theory kind of person. for the most part i trust regulations and doctors and even the goverment...sort of. but when it comes to vaccinations, i think we are all lied to. i think the medical community isn't in on it-i think they have been duped as well. so when it comes to vaccinations, i think we're all along for a crazy ride and in 50 years when the truth comes out we'll all go "how did we not put the pieces together?"

that being said-i choked up when i initialed the ok on the form. then we had to wait and wait and WAIT for her to come back to get us for the shots. ugh. i wanted to run out. at that moment i remembered that my friend gina had taken her husband with her to get their baby's shots and thought "crap! why didn't i think of that weeks ago when i scheduled this?!" then she came out. we went back and i sucked it up. i thought i could do it no problem. i explained to sweet pea that brubbie was going to get his shots and he was going to be ok but that mommy was probably going to cry but it's ok.

then she put the first needle in his chubby little thigh. ugh!

and he did ok. he cried. just a little. i felt like i could hear "eye of the tiger" in one ear and "i'm every woman" in the other. then she did the next one and he really wasn't game for it, but he did ok.

then she did the third and as she put the needle in his little thigh she said "oh, this one stings a little." then he went stiff as a board, his face turned purple, he cried so hard he stopped making a noise and then the noise came back and he SCREAMED purple bloody murder. i started caressing his head the way i do to soothe him and it did NO good. it was like i wasn't even there! the nurse was talking to him real sweet and then she looked up at me. i was crying my eyes out. tears flowing down both cheeks. i tried to wipe them with the back of my hand but there was no hand back big enough for all those tears. and they kept coming and coming. she finally handed me tissues realizing that i was not going to be able to pull it together before i ran out of shirt sleeve. ugh!

let me tell you folks, if your friends have not prepared you: getting your kid vaccinated SUCKS! but he's doing fine now. he was achy and cranky that night but they had me give him tylenol every 4 hours and one dose at a time we made it through. i think he's forgiven me.

ice cream cones and panty hose was interviewed

a few weeks ago i got a comment from a guy who wanted to "interview" me about my blog. i was skeptical. i thought it was either spam, or worse, i'd end up on the today show. i thought about it for a few days then finally thought, well what's the harm, i can always say no. so i filled out the questionnaire and then got an error message. i thought ok-it's meant to be. i shouldn't have filled it out. and left it alone. then today got another email that my interview has been published here. however, it had my name on the tag. i emailed back and asked if they could remove my name and wah-lah! it's gone so i can post this. YAY!
if you click on the link, scroll down a half a page and you can see my interview. you can also vote for my blog every 24 hours and i could win something. (i don't know what.) not sure how i got nominated but i feel honored, like somehow someone thinks i'm interesting enough to interview me.