It's been a while

A lot has happened. Like...a lot.

We had a baby by birth. When #4 was 13 months old I realized I was pregnant. After 12 years of infertility, the most stubborn and determined sperm got through. He's amazing. All the kids are really.

Sweet Pea is now 11 and going into middle school. She's as even keel as the blue flames of hell.
Peanut is heading into 4th grade.
Both Babies (their collective nickname) are going into 2nd and they are hoping to be in the same class this coming year.
And Punkin Head will start kindergarten. In a button up shirt and tie of course. It will not match and he will not change it.

It's 2020 and we're in the middle of corona virus quarantines. I feel like updating the blog. I type better than I can handwrite and someday, I'm hoping, my kids will want to hear the stories of life in the middle of it.

This is hard. It's scary. We keep hearing about the second wave while grappling with all the rules of the first. It's not fun anymore. It's not puzzles and family time and new recipes because the store was out of _______.

It's being trapped with the same 7 people day in and day out. Shouting about picking up rooms and starting laundry and who's job was cleaning up the loft/living room...by the way who peed on the seat and left a turd unflushed. It's "if they have it at the store I'll get some."

On top of that, we're in the beginning of police reform. It's amazing and it's scary and it's justice and it's time and it's historic. And it's all so much. Hurt feelings and confusion and agreeing but coming from different sides. No one can say anything right.

I had to get off Facebook and as much as I love seeing what's going on with everyone I thought maybe I should try Instagram for a while. But then....I don't want to follow anyone. Well maybe twitter will be fun but then I can't find anyone. I'm an old dog trying to go through a self-help book on my own and I'm swimming in can't-do-it-rights.

Today was a really hard day. The kids are struggling with boredom. I'm struggling living in such a dusty mess all the time. I ask them for help with what, to me, feels like something so little but I forget that they can't reach the clothesline to get their clothes down or can't see all the hot wheels for the legos. It's all so much. I'm hoping tomorrows a better day because I've been trying to clean up one room for a solid 2 months now.

I started a little embroidery gig on the side. I enjoy it. It gives me an outlet to create. I make mostly memory things. When someone passes away I use their old clothes to make bears. Or I digitize their signature and embroidery that on top of a heart design. I love doing it. It's an emotional job but I'm not afraid of facing the dead. I get to spend a little time making something touching for those left behind.

Anyhow...I'll get back at more regular updates. I'll try not to wait 7 years before the next post. Who knows who still follows this but I'm mostly writing for my kids.

::awesome:: things people say to me when i admit we do foster/adopt

....AND the things i wish i had the guts to say back.

It's so nice you got them before they had any psychosocial issues.
>and what's your excuse?!? (expletives would follow but i'm working on my sailor's mouth.)

Do you know the donors? (Another favorite: real parents.)
1. Yes, I know the donors and the polite term is "birth parents" and we love them very much because they gave us what doctors couldn't. Don't be an idiot. Would I call your parents your donors? No.
2. And just like she's my real daughter and he's my real son, i am their real mom.

Are they all yours?
ok, first off, i get it. 4 is a lot of kids. but hey, 4 is the new black. and yes, i understand it's medically and physically impossible to give birth to babies 6 1/2 months apart. so when i tell you yes, they are all mine it's because whether their legal tag is foster or adopted or birthed YES, they are,in fact,ALL MINE ALL MINE ALL MINE! and when i tell you the babies are twins it's because in my mind they are irish twins and i'm hoping you'll stop with the poking and prodding of my personal family details. i don't ask you if your children were conceived missionary or doggie style so why don't we all just agree to not be too intrusive. mmmmkay?

What's wrong with their parents?
What's wrong with yours, dip shit? and again i go back to trying to work on my sailor's mouth but seriously, some of you deserve a slap up the face.
nothing is "wrong" with their birth parents. they all 4 happen to be great people. some might not be amazing productive citizens, i will leave that up to your own interpretations. but some of them happen to be really good people that have made the choice that they can not parent at this point in their lives. i don't fault them for that. i thank them for that. i wasn't ready to parent until i was 31.

When my polite answer doesn't calm their curiosity they follow with: No, I mean, why did you get them?
I have no dignifying answer to this and usually say "I really don't know." You should interpret this as "it's none of your business" because that's what I really mean.

Do they have any issues?
Yes, but luckily none as bad as yours.

Do you have to let them see their birth parents?
No. We chose to because in our instance it is appropriate and we have found, at least with karyssa, it helps ground her. She needs to know that her birth dad is doing ok. Wouldn't you wonder if you hadn't seen your parents in a while, no phone calls, no emails? She does too. It's important to her to know that he's ok and doing well. Asher, on the other hand, has no clue he's adopted. Some day he's gonna be so shocked. We explain to him all the time karyssa's birth dad is his birth dad, and karyssa's birth mom is his birth mom. at this point I think he's pretty sure Karyssa has some special uncle that we visit from time to time.

We'd adopt through foster care but we want a kid we can intellectually relate to.
You're right. No foster kid is that dumb. Jack ass.

Are you afraid they'll want to go back to their birth families when they grow up?
No, I'd be proud if they wanted contact when they are old enough to chose because it would mean that Paul and I, along with all of our kids' birth parents, were mature enough to handle that it truly does take a village to raise a child and somehow in this mess of a muck of a family we mashed together we did it.

Aren't you afraid their birth parents will want them back?
No...we're lucky that all of our birth parents respect us as parents to their children. Every single birth parent will always love their child as much as we do. We love that. We love that our kids all have amazing love coming to them from all kinds of places. I wouldn't want them to NOT "want" their child.


I just logged on after a few short years and found this post unpublished. Still my sentiments but my answers are firmer now. Must come with motherhood.

allergies suck the life out of me

this last week paul was gone with his harley friends and i took the kids....let me rephrase that....tried to take the kids to a potluck our church did. i love our little church. there are SO many quirky people and we are even quirkier so we sort of blend in. it's refreshing. and bonus almost every family has someone adopted if not multiple someones. this was not why we chose that church, nor why we stay, it's just a bonus. i was exhausted. i picked up a couple bags of fruit because i did not even have the energy to open a bag of chips let alone MAKE something. no sooner did we get there that i remembered why i hate potlucks. peanuts. everything delicious has peanuts, or some for of nut, it in. salads. desserts. sides. desserts. and did i mention desserts? and if it doesn't have peanuts it's got eggs. damn that little hold-it-together-and-make-it-cakey ingredient of eggs. every time i turned around asher was drinking from someone else's cup. some one else who, in my allergy-mom mind, had just eaten one of the amazing looking peanut chocolate chip cookies. at one point he was hovering over someone's plate full of cakes and cookies (made with eggs) and about to put a fistful of straight up peanuts in his mouth when i leaped over 2 lawn chairs and a woman in a wheelchair only to realize he was just looking down into a pack-n-play at a baby. seriously. i couldn't take anymore. i packed up the kids with out much goodbyes because, frankly, i was on the verge of tears. i kept up appearances as long as possible and then walking to my car with a friend i burst into sobs. how much i would LOVE to flag down the ice cream man with out having to read the labels of every thing in his freezer only to pay $3 for the ice pop i already have inside. or to post a picture of my son eating the same gooey nutty ice cream treat with his cousins. or to go to the store and just buy a loaf of bread. just buy it. not check to see if it's got nuts in it, if it was processed in a facility that also processes nuts, if it was processed in a facility that also processes things that also process things that might have come in contact with something else that might process things that process nuts. *sigh* it scares the daylights out of me to think he's going to preschool this year and the school nurse knows (because i've already met her and become face to face friends with her) that i am to be the LAST person she calls if he even touches a peanut. she is to epipen him immediately, call 911 then the president, her husband for all i care, ANYONE that has medical training and me dead last. i was watching the little couple on tlc because aside from a&e it's the only channel i watch and jen/jenn/jennifer was buying a loaf of bread and she picked it up and said "this looks good. let's get this." and put it in her cart. just like that. she just put it. in. her. cart. ????!!!!???? who does that?! oh wait. EVERYONE ELSE BUT ME!!!!! ugh!!!!!! it's just not fair. a niece asked me "why does asher have allergies?" and i said "i don't know." seriously. i have NO idea why someone's immune system must strike them dead because they ate a natural food that came straight out of the ground. no preservatives. no chemicals. just a freaking nut. when we're in the grocery store he walks around pointing to everything that has nuts. except when his little 3 year old mouth says it it sounds more like this: "that has penis in it. that's got penis. i can't have penis mommy. i not eat that because it has penis." to which i reiterate for every stranger around who might mistake that i actually try to feed my kid penis that "nope, that's right...you don't eat that because it has PEANUTS in it. that's right buddy." we sound like some weird after school special. next month i have a referral to a national allergist because baby brother, who we refer to as coach, also has allergies. at 4 months. he's not even on rice freaking cereal and we're on our way to the allergist. i'm so scared. i hope he just has the same and not more or more intense allergies than asher. my poor bugs.

reality of open adoption

this week karyssa had testing for kindergarten placement and when the teacher gave me the form she said "ya know, it's no big deal but karyssa didn't know her last name..." and i said "oh, that's kind of on purpose...i sort of thought she understood her last name but i really haven't TAUGHT her that so she won't repeat it when we're with her birth family." and then the teacher went on to say "but she did know her address!" "CRAP! really?!" that's worse than knowing her last name!!!! *sigh* in other news: karyssa and asher have a baby brother! he joined us in mid-april. he's amazingly cute and has karyssa's toes and looks so much like asher. we love him more and more every day. i just kiss him and tell him how much i love him all the time. like all. the. time. peaknuckle's case continues to move in the direction of adoption so for mother's day i got a necklace with all 4 of their birthstones. my husband comes from a very name-it-claim-it kind of church and when we first met i had a hard time with it but i joke that i'm working on my name-it-claim-it. so, yes, i do have 4 kids, thank you very much. life is crazy and yet complete with all 4 of them here. it's funny having irish twins (two babies born in the same calendar year) until you have to run errands and have 7 complete strangers ask you for the dirty details in one day. i've tried everything from "i have a magic uterus" to "truth really is stranger than fiction" but nothing seems to curb the questions. so lately i've just started saying "we adopt." and try to leave it at that. life is good. the kids are better. we feel very very blessed and know that as high as our mountaintop is, getting to love on all these babies at once, is as far high as our birth parents low is right now having to make the tough decisions on what they want to do next. we'll keep you posted and hopefully get to post adoption pictures soon.