much disappointment...and hmmm...

this morning i was told the birth plan is for the grandparents to take peanut at this point. circumstances change...but that's the plan for now.

*edited to add: i just called my case worker to see what this does to sweet pea's case and she said they know they can't handle 2 babies. but she also asked me how i felt about meeting them. i said "oh we'd LOVE to!!!" so she's going to try and set that up.

WAITING!

earlier in the week i was told that the grandparents had until "the end of the week" to make a birth plan for peanut. today i was told some really fuzzy greying information. at first i thought there was some serious miscommunication. but as i talk to my friend jenn (fost-adopt-mom-extraordinaire) and i read between the lines i think they just can't tell me what is really happening. however, i was also told to prepare work for the possibility. i think that's good news, but the bad news is we still won't know ANYTHING for sure until peanut is here. it's ok. i'm not worried or paniced. i can wait.

tomorrow night we get recertified again. it will be good to go through this. tonight i sit here on the couch watching tv with a kitchen full of dishes, clothes-both dirty and clean-strewn about the entire first floor, medicines that i need to lock up, a book of rules and regulatioins to read and sign off on, and piles and piles of miscellaneous things i don't even know what they are.

on a good note from last night's post...tonight i updated my fertility software only to find out i'm a week earlier in my cycle than i thought. i thought i totally missed our chance this month but i didn't. not that it means anything but at least there's still a chance for one more week. and i started a new medicine last month and then didn't take it while i was in illinois and then started it again this week. holy. moly. the side effects for me are nausea (only until around 1pm or so), VERY frequent trips to the bathroom (like 5 by 1pm), and because i spent all morning munching on pretzels to settle my nauseasness i can't eat lunch until about 2:00. hmmm....not good for the diet. but only until 1pm. from 1pm to bedtime i'm great! jeesh! and again i ask why is this so easy for crackheads?!

beating a dead horse. and then beating it some more for good measure

today's one of those days. maybe i'm exhausted. or maybe reality is sinking in. or maybe i just need to accept defeat in the giving birth to a child department. yesterday was our 8th anniversary. we had a sitter lined up, 3rd time since Sweet Pea came home with us. every year for our anniversary we go out for a really REALLY nice dinner. last night was supposed to be fondue date night. i love fondue date night. we've only done it twice before and every time we feel like we have to be rolled out of the restaurant. but at 5:00 i got a call from daycare. "hi cheri? is nina. sweet pea has a fever of 101.6" "101!?" ".6" "ok. i'll be right there." i chatted paul. i called the sitter. i finished work and went to get her. she looked achy from across the room. i felt so bad for her. i brought her home and gave her dinner, she ate 2 bites and wanted to go to bed. i gave her tylenol and let her go to bed at 6pm. she didn't wake up this morning until 7:45am!!!!! almost 14 hours of straight sleep! but for some reason last night it sort of hit me. as handsome as paul is...his genes will never be carried down. my siblings all have kids and let me tell you we make beautiful babies. every single one of them. but we'll never know what our genes combined would make. it's just not gonna happen. today i took sweets to work with me because she has to be fever free for 24 hours. i know now why they don't have bring-your-toddler-to-work day. it was WORK. let me tell you. i was stressed by the time i got home tonight. not to mention i had to leave work early for acupuncture. so i came late, with a toddler and still left work early. i should be fired about 3 days ago but for whatever reason they haven't fired me yet. anyway. now i'm home. and all i can do is melt into the couch. i'm exhausted. and feel so defeated. why is it so easy for crackheads?

We're back!

we had a wonderful time in illinois visiting family and meeting new cousins, aunts, uncles, pop-pop's, great-grandparents, 2nd cousins, 3rd cousins and so on and so on. ugh! WONDERFUL time. sweet pea got to ride a train at one mall, a carousel at another. i've never seen such a look of elation on her face as when she got to ride the carousel. however. i've also never seen her throw such an instant fit as when the carousel stopped. she got to see family from both sides. she learned so much this week. mudders taught her how to play the piano. she's started talking up a storm and eating like a banchee. i can't wait for weigh in this wednesday morning. she also learned a new noise that is much like a growl with the pitch of a screech layered in. wow! she was making that noise as we were boarding the airplane to come home and i put her in time out in her stroller for making it. it's really an awful noise. after her time out was over i picked her up and was explaining that we don't make such awful noises and that's why she was put in time out and...then she interrupted me with a kiss. that was the end of that speech. and that awful noise. this morning when we went back to school she wouldn't let go of me until i explained that tonight we would come home and just hang out. no appointments. no errands. just hanging out at home. and then she decided to finally let my neck go. it was a wonderful time.