it's the thought that counts

about a month ago we got a bike buggy so we could take sweet pea on bike rides with us. but i wanted to get one big enough so we could put tatum in there with her and go to the park or go places and not have to worry about tatum or feel guilty that we left her behind. this weekend we finally got the chance to use it. so, we buckled sweet pea in, then told tatum to "hop on up" (that's what we tell her to get her in the car) and she hopped on up. we snapped everything shut and off we went. until we rounded the corner where we normally take tatum to throw the ball. pretty soon i felt some ruckus going on back there, then i heard some squeaking coming from sweet pea and paul said "oop-there she goes!" tatum had squeazed herself between the layers of mesh up to the front of the buggy where sweet pea was buckled in. by the time i got the bike pulled over tatum was ON sweet pea. i'm trying to figure out how to explain what i mean by "on". paul says "full body maul?" "butt in her face?" it was sort of like tatum's tummy was on sweet pea's forehead. does that explain it? so we played a little ball and put tatum back inside while the three of us took a nice looooong bike ride. i loved it!

NEVER say this:

tonight i walked into daycare and another woman was holding my baby. i have no idea who she is. all i know is sweet pea is kicking her feet and giggling and squealing because she can see me walking in the door. i smiled and took her from the mystery woman and she goes "she did the same thing for me." and then gave this snide little chuckle like she's so adoring. ok-just in case you were THINKING about telling another mother that, DON'T. that leaves me reeling with questions. does that mean she's not bonded to me? does that mean she'd bond like this with anyone? so for instance, if she went back home she wouldn't miss me and would have no trouble bonding to just any joe schmoe? and i don't know that i even BELIEVE this woman because another mother in the foyer said "oh did you see the way that baby got so excited that her mother was here? i've never SEEN such a beautiful baby." so that tells me that she did NOT react that way twice, she only did that ONCE and that was when I walked in the door. AND ANOTHER THING-you just don't know what the situation IS to begin with to say that to someone. i just took sweet pea and didn't say a word to her and gathered her things and left. and the daycare worker who HAD sweet pea in the foyer to begin with, followed me around talking to me about everything under the sun and frankly, i'm pissed today. i just want to get my baby and go home. i am NOT in the mood to chit-chat. if i was in the mood to chit-chat i'd start it.

and while i'm griping about daycare-i really wish they would not feed her crackers at 5:30 when i'm coming at 5:45 to take her home for dinner. we're fighting the uphill battle of her being under-weight. the last thing i need her full of 15 minutes before dinner is empty carbs. i can't tell you how many times they've smiled and said "she ate 4 crackers from me!" she's not a monkey. she'll eat 4 crackers from anyone at 5:30. DON'T FEED HER! so i said "if i send her with some fruit labeled "snack" could you please feed her that instead of crackers right before i come pick her up." tomorrow when i'm not so pissy i will say it again and not in the suggestive tone i did today. it will be in the following demanding tone: "we're really working on getting weight on her and if she is fed crackers at 5:30 she won't eat dinner at 5:45. i have brought fruit for her to snack on at 5:30 when she starts to get hungry. please do not feed her crackers." UGH!

**Edited to Add: and when the washing machine breaks on Sunday and they say on Monday they'll call you on Wednesday and be out on Thursday the last thing you want to have to do, on an already-grumpy night, is track down their lazy butts to find out why they didn't call you on Wednesday, like they said they would, and you have to find out if they are really coming on Thursday, like they said they would, because you have standing water in the bottom of your 1-year-old washing machine, turning MUSTY. AURGH!

**Edited again to Add: and then the baby throws up on you everything she's been fed since the crackers at 5:30 at daycare, right through to the bottle you just gave her 3 minutes ago. So there goes every calorie we put in her tonight. SUPER AURGH!

warning: this is a pissy attitude post

ok. i'm having a bad day. actually i'm having a bad two days in a row. the duggars have announced #19 is coming. and she said on their show last night "by god's grace i will carry this baby and by god's grace i will give birth to it." and i just thought-where's my stupid grace? where's my baby? where's my giving birth? what did i ever do to not deserve some grace? it just makes me mad. and we paid the bills last night and again have no money to put into savings and i feel like i'm throwing money away to acupuncture. i'm still not pregnant, i'm just more money in the hole. paul says not to worry about it and it's not that i worry about it. it's that i'm tired of wasting money on something that comes naturally to what seems like everyone else. and i'm pissed. and hurt that i don't get any stupid grace.
i went to bed questioning paul if he really believes that we'll ever have our own baby because i don't believe anymore. he says he does.

backatchya

this morning i had to take tiny tot, aka sweet pea, to get her hearing tested. not because they thought she couldn't hear but because last week she refused to sit still for the first technician so we got a referral to the big office to try again. anyway-it was in an old school here in longmont that has been turned into an office building but that just happened this summer so there's tons of people moving stuff around and configuring classrooms into offices and on and on it goes. that left the "waiting room" for the hearing tests out in the hallway that stretches the length of the building. you-know-who got restless so after i filled out her paperwork we walked the hall since we could see the hearing test office all the way to the end of the building. we got far enough for my comfort so instead of picking her up and turning her around i thought i'd leave her on her feet to get some exercise and said "ok, i'm turning around....here i go back the other way." finally i thought i'd pull out the big guns. she hates to seperate from me, i'll use that to my advantage. "ok-bye-bye! mommy's going this way." with that she half turned and looked at me, smiled, gave me a big wave good-bye and turned and went on her way. HAAA!!! little booger. i literally cackle laughed alone in the hallway.